Self-sabotage: why does it happen?


No matter what your form of self-sabotage is, how ‘bad’ or how frequently it happens, it always follows the following steps: 

  • A thought of doing the act appears in your head. At first, you may be able to disregard it. If you are not conscious of it, however, it will appear again;
  • Slowly, more thoughts around this act come to mind. You may even begin to act on those thought - you know it’s not good for you, but you're doing it just to pretend, just for fun. And you certainly won’t go all the way! ;
  • You’ve already began acting on it - why not continue just a tiny bit? Or maybe more than a tiny bit? It’s all for fun anyway, and you’re definitely still in control;
  • You crack up and do it. It’s not so bad after all. You’ve done it before. You’ll get over it. Others do it, too… 
  • After you’ve done it, you wonder ‘how did that happen?!’. A lot of blame and self-criticism ensues, and you wish you hadn’t done it.

After some time you’d probably start again at step 1). So, how do you break this pattern? 

  • Knowing these steps can help. Notice it early, and don’t let the momentum build up;
  • Always question the self - who is the ‘I’ that wants to … ? Once you understand that the self is made-up and unreal, all the patterns of belief belonging to that self fall away;
  • Re-align your experience before/while/after doing the act with Truth:What is actually happening?
    • What/who do your actions have an impact on?
    • What is your experience while doing the act?

Answering these questions truthfully would lead to true forgiveness of the so-called ‘negative’ behaviour.